Light trigger warning: I mention things like sexual assault, rape, abusive relationships, and abstract forms of self harm but there are no details.
Okay so first thing to address. What is a SIMP?
SIMP stands for:
Suckers
Idolizing
Mediocre
Pussy
Before I continue I want to get a few things out of the way. SIMPs are typically men idolizing women but anyone can be a SIMP. Trust me I SIMP over beautiful women and nonbinary people all the time. What matters is if you respect them and their space or if you act on your idolization. The ones that act on their idolization disrespectfully are extremely toxic and I will tell you why.
Second thing before I continue. The quality of your pussy doesn’t matter! I don’t care if you think I have immaculate slip n slide gorilla grip they/them nonbinary pussy. Your pussy is beautiful no matter what! We all get stinky in the summer in every way. But that’s okay and you are still loved I promise you even if everyone left.
Now let’s get into it
Why are they bad?
The idolizing of your pussy means that they will do ANYTHING to keep you around. This includes gaslighting, manipulating, encouraging your addictions, and abusing you repeatedly. It also includes relying on drugs in order to maintain their own personal well being.
Quick side note. I do not have a problem with pot. It won't kill you. The Rastafarians are still kicking it. It’s just not for me anymore because of my own personal psychosis and health issues. The thing I have a problem with is the mentality that when you stop using the way that they use they see that as judgment and in turn judge you for taking care of yourself. No one is in any position to judge your self care or leave you because you don’t live like them. I do not judge anyone I understand not being able to get help or needing to rely on things other than medication to try and stay alive. And if you don’t want to spend your money on medication and would rather support mobile dealers that’s great good for you seriously! I preach non judgment, respect, and acceptance always. I never judge you. I wish to help because you are of no use if you are dead. This does not mean you can reach out to me and tell me your whole life story. I'm sure it’s epic and what drives you to make your art just like me. However, I am going through my own story and coping so please respect my space and need to adjust as I respect yours.
Continuing. Don’t validate their addictions and judgements if they have the privilege to get help. Keep in mind that you don’t know these people especially the younger boys the way that we do because they have used and left us. The use is usually that of hookup culture which can include sexual assault and rape and has for me personally. Don’t defend their behavior or habits if they aren't justified. It’s okay to be into BDSM but you do not deserve to be hit or choked without there being clear permission given.
Valid is different from justified. Everything you feel is real and valid. Justified is whether or not it serves you. In this case their judgment doesn’t serve anyone and is a recipe for abuse. Believe women and nonbinarry people who speak out against them. Give them resources and a safe space for once. Hold your friends and people to higher standards. Not wanting to support the system is not an excuse to fuck yourself or others up, not anymore.
I know too many men like this who will never change for anyone. Even if they love you or say that they do, they will not change. They will not listen either and their first reaction when you try to tell them how you feel is, “Well I didn’t mean to.” It doesn’t matter if they meant to or not. They still did it and you are not responsible for educating them. They don’t deserve you. They have to put in the work.
Keep your guard up around people who idolize and hypersexualize you. It’s great to be complimented but be careful. We can’t trust our friends and people to protect us in the ways we need them to, not yet. The idolization means you will probably both end up using and abusing each other. It’s okay to like sloppy, messy, kinky, nonmonogomous sex but consent is very important! And your judgment is hindered when you’re under the influence. That doesn’t necessarily mean you’ll regret it or get raped when you impulsively hookup with someone but it might not be in accordance with your personal values and make you a bit confused and upset later on because it’s triggering in some way.
Hookup culture for me personally is a form of self harm which is why I’ve decided not to fuck around as frustrating as it is. I also know that the people that love me don’t want me in that dangerous position and honestly neither do I because for once I want to take care of myself and put my needs first. Your needs aren’t always put first when you hookup with someone in most cases they aren’t. I want to reiterate that hoes are the best! I’ve been one and you can be proud and I respect you and your way of life. I’m sharing my personal experience and how I’ve changed. You keep doing you I’m very pro sex work get that money baby make their pockets hurt. But be safe and don’t let ANYONE manipulate you into doing shit for free.
I am lucky to have someone who understands and always has. They love me unconditionally and I love them unconditionally. We respect each other's space and don’t idolize each other. We’re as honest as we can be. We don’t encourage our addictions especially if we can get help. We don’t validate the invalid. Those are the kinds of people you should be around. Nonjudgmental respectful people who understand and just want the best for you. People who love you and accept you regardless of your habits, gender identity, and sexuality. A lot of the men I dated wouldn’t like it when I would bind my chest. They thought it made me less attractive. That is not true and that is conditional love. You deserve better and always have. People need to be able to hear you out. It has to go both ways if they’re going to be in your life. You don’t have to be their therapist. That’s toxic.
You don’t need those people. You have us trust me we understand and you are not alone there are a lot of people like you, they just don’t talk about it. I am no better than any of you. I am hurting more than ever before my trauma is flooding over me. That’s what flooding is. It’s a trauma response that feels like a panic attack. It’s because you have a lot of trauma you’ve never let yourself feel. It floods over you when you’re not high or fucked up. I’m telling you, you don’t need to be fucked up to be beautiful or healthy, mentally or physically.
Distraction is very real and valid and necessary during times of crisis when everything is triggering. It helps you and makes sure you don’t push yourself over the edge. But it is not a permanent solution to your suffering in most cases. You don’t have to only use dissociation to cope. You’re allowed to have feelings. It's more than normal and human and it’s good for you as awful as it feels. This is what crisis skills are for and trust me they work there is science behind some of them.
When I start to get flooded and feel like I can’t breathe I dunk my face in a bowl or sink of cold water for 20 seconds then come up for air and focus on my outward breath. It deactivates your fight or flight lizard brain and it always works as dumb as it sounds. Holding ice also helps keep me grounded and brings me back to my sensations. It’s a better and healthier coping mechanism for me. I think it’s healthier than smoking and dissociating or drinking or getting back on dating apps.
I have the privilege to know these skills because I have been in Dialectical Behavioral Therapy for a while. It teaches you how to act in accordance with your values as much as possible and have effective healthy relationships. It teaches you how to get rid of your black and white extremist thinking and live comfortably in the inbetween. When you’re in crisis your main goal is to bring yourself back to your sensations and body, stay grounded. You can’t set boundaries or validate others while you’re in crisis. You’ll end up validating the invalid and probably getting into a toxic manipulative relationship. It happened to me, many times. I get it.
You’re young so you can fuck yourself up a bit but I need you alive and I need you to have your drive. That’s why self validation is so important. So you can do what you want without needing other people. So then when people call you names or say your art is shit it doesn’t hurt quite as bad. Small things no longer make you think you deserve to die when you’ve mastered self validation. And no, it’s not easy I struggle with it more than anything and that’s another reason why I’ve been in so many toxic relationships. That doesn’t mean you can’t do it. I have long term goals and plans I would love to have you in on at some point. So please stay alive for us and also for yourself. Your story deserves to be heard and you deserve to have the chance to change the world with your art. You are never alone.
So next time you want a cig or to drink yourself numb or feel like you can’t breathe try dunking your head in some cold water, and holding some ice let it melt in your hands. Try using your skills when you’re ready. Try exercising, paying attention to your surroundings, or making some art out of trash instead, draw on your clothes. If I can do it so can you. You’ve got it! Stay as well as you can. I am wishing you the best in your journey.
I also want to share my most helpful mantra: “My habits (self harm of any form) are not my values.” It’s much more believable for me than “I am beautiful and I deserve better.” While that is true often it doesn’t feel like it.
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