What is it?
The technical definition: Borderline personality disorder is a mental health disorder that impacts the way you think and feel about yourself and others, causing problems functioning in everyday life.
More specific: A person who has difficulty regulating their emotions. They lack the emotional protective layer of skin that makes others feel comfortable in the world.
What are the characteristics of BPD? People with BPD have to fit at least five of the nine characteristics. Just because you have some doesn’t mean you have it (don’t self-diagnose please).
Fear of abandonment
Unstable relationships
Unclear or shifting self-image
Impulsive and self-destructive behaviors
Self-harm
Extreme emotional swings
Chronic feelings of emptiness
Explosive anger
Feeling suspicious or out of touch with reality
Statistics
It's estimated that 1.6% of the adult U.S. population has BPD, but that number may be as high as 5.9%.
Nearly 75% of people diagnosed with BPD are women.
Recent research suggests that men may be equally affected by BPD but are commonly misdiagnosed with PTSD or depression.
Up to 10% of BPD patients will die by suicide.
Why are we told not to look it up when diagnosed?
It is one of the most stigmatized disorders.
The statistics can be scary and it is extreme.
There are some psychiatrists and therapists who refuse to treat it or work with people who have BPD. This is why people with BPD are often misdiagnosed as having anxiety, depression, OCD, or PTSD (among others).
How it is stigmatized:
It doesn’t just go away.
Treatment is ongoing and often lasts your whole life.
Dialectical Behavioral Therapy is the gold standard for people with BPD. People with BPD often go through all of the modules of DBT multiple times and have to stay in some form of outpatient (intensive or not) that is DBT informed.
Side note: There are other therapies for BPD like, radically open DBT (RODBT which is more for over-conrtolled people rather than under-controlled). I have personally found Acceptance and Commitment Therapy very helpful (ACT). Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) is another good one.
How it is perceived today in youth culture & why your view is problematic too:
I’ve seen a lot of cute girls who have BPD joke about it and because of this it turns into a fetish.
Men love the “crazy” girls because they’re good in bed but as soon as it gets hard they gaslight you, tell you it happens to everyone, and leave you in times of crisis.
This often worsens your symptoms and increases your black and white thinking of “No one actually loves me, everyone leaves."
When you have BPD a lot of people aren’t capable of loving you unconditionally and will leave you but it’s not always “everyone”. A lot of times the people close to you are just scared and don’t know what to do or how to help. That’s on them not you, however you are responsible for your own mental health.
This shit ain’t fucking cute ya’ll or funny in any way honestly. It’s hell and a constant battle, it doesn’t get easier you just get used to it. The desire to die, constant questioning of reality, and difficulty with everyday life, all of it doesn’t go away. The ways you cope with it is the only thing that changes.